Jose Antonio Reyes: Got more than he bargained for (FiroFoto/Allsport)

Whilst neighbours Betis, now level top of the league with Alaves, can relax in the glow of reconciliation with their extraordinarily loyal fans, Sevilla find themselves enmeshed in a fresh controversy caused by their under-21 international Paco Gallardo.

After his young team-mate Reyes scored the goal of the week in their 4-0 pasting of Valladolid, it was not so much a case of 'kiss me quick' as 'kiss me dick' as Gallardo took the celebration of a goal a new step closer to soft porn by planting an affectionate smacker on the goalscorer's nether regions.

Spain has seen nothing like it since Valencia's Leandro cocked up his leg and simulated the act of canine urination onto the billboards of Atletico Madrid's Calderon stadium, smack in front of their notorious 'Frente' fans.

The now retired Michel also once famously fiddled with Valderrama's personal belongings in a game between Real Madrid and, curiously enough, Valladolid, but this one sees to have trapped the national nerve in a big way.

The various reactions to the incident have been predictably and comfortingly hysterical, ranging from the outraged to the sympathetic to the downright amused - all of them fine-tuned evidence of the moral schizophrenia that seems to be a part and parcel of post-modern Spain.

In a torrent of quotes from several of the league's players, Villareal's Galvan took the toughest line with, 'It was an obscene and ugly gesture', whereas Betis' Amato, probably still a tad compromised by his Halloween involvement was moved to remark, 'I congratulate him on being original'. What next, one wonders? According to the Spanish Football Federation, up to a 4-game suspension and/or a heavy fine.

Testing times

Interesting too that this incident seemed to overshadow the fortnight's other great controversy, namely Pep Guardiola showing up positive for nandrolone after the Lazio-Brescia game on November 4th, and again after the Piacenza game a week later.

	Guardiola: Quit threat (ShaunBotterill/Allsport)

It says something for Guardiola's standing in the Spanish game, after eleven elegant and fruitful years at Barcelona, that even Spanish captain Fernando Hierro, rumoured not to be the best of buddies with the outspoken Catalan nationalist, should be the first to come to his defence.

'It's absurd', he commented the day after the publication of the results. 'Pep plays for eleven years in Spain and turns out 50 times for his country and never shows up positive, then moves to Italy and bang - he's a criminal within two months. It's the same with Stam', he added. 'Does it strike you as a coincidence?' This was merely the first of several public declarations of Guardiola's impeccable credentials, ending with a eulogy from no less than the the Catalan Generalitat's President, Jordi Pujol.

It has to be said that Guardiola is not your average footballer. Born in the Catalan heartlands of Santpedor he became an understandable focus for the nationalist wing of the Barca fans during the 'Dream-Team' years - one because the side was otherwise replete with foreigners and Basques, and two, because he was very good - further sanctifying himself to the cause by doing such un-footballer things like touring schools reading Catalan poetry and pledging his support to the campaign for an official Catalan national team.

Injury having slowed him last year, manager Rexach decided to let him go to Italy after the player himself had declared that he wanted to 'broaden his horizons' in the dusk of his career. But the suspicion remains that he had begun to feel unwanted, and that the regime run by the new president, the Partido Popular-voting Joan Gaspart, was politically uncomfortable for him.

If, on December 6th, he too is banned like Stam, De Boer and Davids, he has threatened to quit the game. It is unlikely to be a double bluff. As they say - you never know, but if someone with the intelligence of Guardiola shows up positive, you begin to wonder if there really is something massively wrong with the whole screening process.

Luis Helguera, brother of Real Madrid's Ivan and currently playing for Udinese, has suggested to the Spanish press that the vitamin-rich substance known as 'Flebo', used in Calcio circles to speed up injured players' recovery time, is the true guilty partner.

Since it is not used, as far as is known, in Liga, he could well be right. Whatever happens next, it would be a great shame if a man like Guardiola felt obliged to retire from the game with his name thus besmirched, and it would be a blow to Camacho too, who had just brought him back into the national squad after a lengthy absence.

Talking of the national squad, the draw for summer's World Cup groups saw seeded Spain handed a fairly comfy looking opening to the competition in Group B, with Slovenia, Paraguay and South Africa to play, in that order.

On the same day, the Spanish federation extended manager Camacho's contract until 2004, a piece of good news (depending on your opinion) tempered by the hot-tempered little chap's immediate announcement that he would resign in the event of the team failing to reach the second phase of the finals.

	Camacho: Er, quit threat (GrahamChadwick/Allsport)

This would seem to be a slightly mixed message, since Camacho has been at great pains since Saturday's draw to emphasise that there are 'no easy groups' and that 'here in Spain we're good at talking ourselves into the final of a World Cup because we always think it's going to be easy, and that's why we always fail'.

Historically and psychologically, the warning made a lot of sense, and the Spanish press' tendency in the past to see games in terms of black and white (easy or impossible) has indeed contributed to the national team's perennial sense of under-achievement. But by saying that he will resign if the team do not qualify for the 2nd phase sounds like he thinks, deep down, that it should be a bit of a cake-walk.

Before the draw he claimed he wanted to be in a tough group, with a team like England or Portugal, because this would help to 'mentalizar' the players - an interesting verb that roughly translates as 'mentally prepare', but which really means 'make sure that certain players don't start playing silly buggers'.

The team has also ended up, against its wishes in Korea - but Camacho smoothed over this one with a rare outbreak of PR by insisting that although Korean installations and infrastructure were inferior to Japan's, the Koreans were nevertheless 'muy buena gente' (really nice folks). He was obviously fishing around for a bit of local support, since the announcement this week of a smoking ban in all Korean stadia during the finals more or less guarantees that all Spanish fans will stay at home for the duration.

Cup shock shock!

Last but not least, the King's Cup 2nd Round this last week has finally led to the death of that famous English phrase 'cup shock.'

After Round Two only seven out of twenty of the top division sides are left in the competition, leading one to the logical conclusion that the concept of shock nowadays must be that the side from the higher division wins.

Real Madrid, to their infinite credit, played both Figo and Zidane in their victorious visit to little Lanzarote, and along with Deportivo (who put out a reserve side against Cultural Leonesa) are the only 'big' side left in the now devalued competition. Shades of England, where the tournament used to pull huge crowds and great atmospheres, but which has been squeezed by the fiscal attractions of the Champions League.

Alaves, themselves knocked out by 2nd division Sporting de Gijon, ended the week on rather more of a high, their 2-0 victory over a stuttering Barcelona putting them top of the Spanish First Division for the first time since December 21st, 1930. It'll be interesting to see how long they can stay there.