Kate Hoey: Not blameless (GrahamChadwick/Allsport)

At the same time, her many cronies in my business keep saying Ms Hoey was the best Sports Minister we've ever had (which, you may think, is not the most impressive accolade).

Can you spot the contradiction? She was Sports Minister for two years. If she was as brilliant as her media mates believe, why are we still in such a sorry state?

How is it that none of the blame for anything attaches to her? She was Sports Minister when England's 2006 World Cup bid flopped. She was in charge when the Wembley project went pearshaped. She was in the hot seat when it became clear that there was a black hole in the funding for the athletics stadium at Picketts Lock.

Hoey's dabs are all over the Wembley cock-up.

When she took over as Sports Minister, she looked at the plan for a magnificent stadium and moaned out loud that it was a shame they could not save the old Twin Towers and it was a pity there wasn't going to be a permanent athletics track.

Those off-the-cuff comments, made as soon as she took over as Minister, were extremely damaging to the attempts to raise money for the Wembley scheme. The message to the banks was that the plan in front of them did not have Government support and might be completely redrawn.

She cannot keep blaming others for what happened at Picketts Lock, either. It is now apparent that, during her reign, everyone realised that the figures did not add up, that there were worries about transport links to deepest Edmonton and that Sport England had severe doubts about the scheme.

Yet, her Government continued to promise that the stadium would be built and would be the centre-piece of the athletics World Championships of 2005.

Every other Labour Sports Minister would have been ripped to shreds by the hack pack for overseeing such a catalogue of calamities, yet Hoey is portrayed as one of the victims; a little woman bullied by the football lobby and by the Prime Minister.

Bless. Richard Caborn, who replaced her, does not have so many friends in the media and two of this website's columnists have holed him below the water-line.

First Clare Balding, wearing her radio hat, invited him to take part in a 'little quiz'. It is a pity that Clare didn't ask him about Sheffield United, because he is a real fan and would probably do well on Mastermind on that subject.

But she didn't and he floundered so miserably that the nation's guffaws have drowned out some of the sensible stuff he has said since.

Then, on these pages, David Mellor coined the appellation 'Dickie Dunce' and it has stuck.

Yet what are Caborn's crimes? He inherited Hoey's messes and said: 'We can't give any more public money to Wembley and we are not going to fund a white elephant at Picketts Lock.' Both those sentiments seem entirely laudable, and so do his two other mantras.

He says that sport is top heavy with administrators and governing bodies (something else, incidentally, that Hoey did not manage to alter) and believes that Lottery money and Government cash should go to grass roots sport - to kids - and not only to the elite sportsmen and women.

Alas, Kate's cronies won't listen to a word of what he is saying.

Wembley has to think new

What we need at Wembley is a spanking new stadium which will still look modern well into this new century.

What we definitely do not need is a couple of grubby old concrete monuments to the past, dwarfed by the modern structure behind them and reminding us all what a squalid, shabby disgrace Wembley used to be.

Marcel's malady strikes the wrong note

So he's gone down with foot-and-mouth. I hope he's got a note from his mum, although I am reminded of some very good advice I was once given about excuses by an expert. The advice was: 'Don't make the story too complicated.'

So there will be those who assume that Desailly's alibi is a little unconvincing and imagine the real reason that the French captain stayed at home was that he was getting brown trousers at the thought of flying into the Middle East.

No doubt that is entirely unfair. No doubt the poor chap will be nursing his heel and his mouth as some of his team-mates play Hapoel.

There is certainly no doubt that Chelsea, the club, acted entirely correctly throughout this episode. From Day One, they made it clear that chairman Ken Bates, managing director Colin Hutchinson and other top brass would go and that the club would fulfil the UEFA Cup fixture.

But they couldn't force players to go. They could not frog-march them up the aeroplane steps. Some found the decision difficult. Emanuel Petit indicated last night that he would go but was another absentee when the depleted party checked in at Heathrow's Terminal One.

Gianfranco Zola, in contrast, was one of those expected to stay behind but he reported for duty. Not for the first time, the little man is setting a big example.

Incidentally, the Press all showed up for the trip. Players who did not go included Eidur Gudjohnsen, who was brave enough to go drinking on the night after the terror attacks in America but presumably not happy to risk playing football in a city where security will be so tight that the risk of an incident must be less than the risk of crossing the Fulham Road.

Chelsea will not fine the players who did not show up today yet when kids try to get out of PE, they are punished. If they forget their kit, for instance, they sometimes have to do it in their vest and pants.

So, unless Desailly has a note, he should play the next match in his underwear.

It's a miracle as fans learn to love Bates

Both reactions are very telling. Chelsea fans used to be ambivalent about Bates at best. Lots of them fell for the glib promises of Matthew Harding and few of them found Bates's prickly persona particularly attractive.

Now there seems to be an acceptance by fans, perhaps begrudging, that the old despot has achieved a miracle.

To appreciate the miracle, go and look at two models in the newly opened 'World of Sport' at Stamford Bridge. One shows what The Bridge used to look like (a few ill-matched stands around a scruffy greyhound track) and one shows how it looks now (London's biggest football stadium).

If you still need convincing then walk to the main reception of Chelsea Village and turn around to look behind you. You'll see the back wall of the old Shed stand.

There are plants trailing down from the top to make it a little less stark (they were the idea of Bates's partner, Susannah, by the way, so he can't take the credit for that) but the old wall is still visible.

Look closely. It is just very rough, bigstoned concrete, with no internal supports, which was chucked up in an era before planning controls, building regulations and safety certificates.

Woe betide anyone who tried to get away with such sloppy workmanship anywhere in Bates's new kingdom. That is why the staff grimace. As he walks around, he greets everyone with a nod or a word, and then barks instructions at them.

'Take that sign down. Clear up that mess. Make sure that bit there is painted properly. Why is that door open?' He must be an a nightmare to work for, but things get done and the supporters realise it.

When I was with him the other day, our tour of the empire was delayed by fans getting me to use their cameras to take photographs of them with Bates.

He looked in the bag which one woman had filled at the Chelsea Megastore with gifts for her grandchildren. He told her she hadn't spent enough but he was joking (possibly) and at least he didn't charge her for her photograph.

A note of caution over the Cup hosts

How kind, and how good of them to congratulate me. It is about time the part I played was recognized.

I have always believed that the witticisms I shouted as England lost to Germany at Wembley may have led to Kevin Keegan's departure and I am particularly proud of my contribution to the victory in Munich where, every time I yelled 'Give it to Beckham', they did.

However, the point of the letter from the embassy was to bring to our attention the fact that a number of our writers have been saying that next summer's tournament takes place in Japan and Korea. Apparently, this is wrong. It is being staged in Korea and Japan.

Two thoughts occur. The first is that, since they are sticklers for accuracy, it is a pity the embassy officials addressed the letter to someone who stopped working for the Standard more than a year ago.

The second thought is that if the hosts are so anxious about the order in which they are mentioned it does not augur well for their cooperation during the tournament.

Stand by this lot, not likely